Right Brain and Left Brain are put to the test
Left: “It’s time to get out of the shower.”
Right: “No way, we just got in!
Left: “That was twenty minutes ago, it is time to get out now.”
Right: “Oooo look at the pretty bubbles, it’s all rainbowy.”
Left: “If we get out now, we will have 16.3 minutes left to get dressed and get in the car so we can make it on time.”
Right: “I’m not worried, we can get dressed fast.”
Left: “We don’t even know what we are going to wear! GET OUT!”
Right: “Sshhhhh I’m relaxing”
Left: “And you wonder why the doctor keeps offering us meds.”
Right: “Well who cares about evaluation meetings anyway. No one can accuse us of being late if we never show up.”
Left: “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that. OK, new plan… If we skip the conditioner and, instead of brushing, wipe our teeth with the Burger King napkin you left in the console last Tuesday we can still make it on time. Let’s go!”
Right: ”Did you know the curtain has a blue tint to it?”
Left: “Yes, of course I know! We bought it that way so it would make it easier for us to tell when it needs to be washed. We are in a serious time crunch now, focus please!”
Right: “This water is nice and warm. If you stand to the left and put your ear against the tile wall, it sounds like rain.”
Left: Mmmm hmmm, and if you stand to the right the water will drip on the floor and make a mess so just stand straight. Getting back to our schedule, if we get out now and put on the black dress with the open-toed sandals maybe no one will notice we are a few minutes late.”
Right: “Hairy feet are strange, don’t you think? There’s a little ’toe-goatee’ by our nail cuticle and it looks like a funny little man is talking to us when I bend my foot up and down. “
Left: “Yes, we are in need of some serious hair removal. We’ve only shaved to our knees so many times it looks like we have brown shorts on. There never seems to be enough time left between the daydreaming and shower naps to accomplish this. For once I’d like to see you plan ahead and…”
Right: “Where are the razors?
Left: “In the middle drawer to the.. wait, no! We don’t have time to shave, this meeting is of the utmost importance. GET OUT!”
Right: “You are bossy.”
Left: “No, I’m efficient. There is a difference.”
Right: “All I heard was something about you being tact-deficient.”
Left: “I’ve had enough of your A.D.D. today”
Right: “Come on, you know I don’t do math!
Left: “I wasn’t talking about adding I was referring to the acronym for… you know what, never mind. Thank you for reinforcing my point though.”
Right: “Oh stop trying to control everything, your stress is going to blow our thyroid out again.”
Left: “Wrong. I am the reason we don’t have Giardia, type 2 diabetes, or a negative bank account.
Right: “So what. I’m the reason we have a great personality, social life, and sense of fashion.”
Jen: “Enough, both of you! Will you just SSHHHHH! As much as I love intrusive thought marathons do you think a decision could be made soon? Oh, and just so you know, both of you are the reason people think I AM crazy so let’s play the quiet game at the meeting, OK?”
Right: “Awwww we still have to go to the meeting?”
Left: “Okay look, if you agree to get out now, I’ll make sure we grab the colored pencils and Lifesavers on the way out.”
Right: “Yay! Can I eat all the white ones first? You aren’t going to bring any stupid Sudoku puzzles, are you?”
Left: “Good grief its like I’m in charge of a feral child.
Right: “You are not the boss of me and if you were I’d run away!”
Jen: “Seriously, both of you knock it off or I’m going to get my chopsticks out and start crazy-dancing… who knows what could happen, it would only take one haphazardly executed move to poke the lights out of one of you Brainiacs!”
*Note to selfs: Don’t joke about using eating utensils to eliminate annoying thoughts during work meetings. It makes your coworkers uncomfortable and they take you too seriously. When you see a nice man in a white coat walking toward you with lifesavers, RUN! It’s a trap!
“Hey Right Brain! We are running away, you WERE Right all along!”
“Left Brain, you are definitely not the boss! I would karate chopstick you so hard right now if I didn’t need help remembering how to get out of this building, or where we parked the car, or our name.”