Out of Hand Parking Only
What do you mean that was a bad parking job? No way! Parking is easy, I can totally do this, sort of. I just need to get the right angle and, wait… no let me try again. If I could pull in this way and… oops no, that’s not right either. Never mind, that will have to be good enough for now. People still climb out of their windows like Dukes and Hazard right? That’s still a thing isn’t it?
Blast it, just give me the bad parking ticket right now, it will save you time. Parking is what I would consider to be one of my “non strengths.” Just so you know, I don’t park weird because I’m rude, I park weird because I’m not very good at it. Only I can say that, not you. Not You. Moving on…
I think they should make a few parking stalls with big wide curvy lines for people like me, that way I can just pull in as I see fit. Maybe then I won’t get parking anxiety and pull in and out the same way thirteen times while people take bets to see if the blue fam-van is going to hit a car, a person, or the shopping cart nest.
Usually though, they all lose because I either drive to another store or throw it in park and crawl out the back hatch. Ha! Didn’t see that one coming did ya Bucko?! Don’t laugh, I sometimes have to do this, not my finest moments but I hurry inside the store and get out before the owner of the car next to me finishes writing their letter to “whoever the A-hole is parked this way…” on a Burger King napkin.